2020 has been a real bitch, hasn’t it? Just when I had everything figured out, life was like “nahhh.” I was headed down a nice scenic road, nothing in my way. And then bam! I swerve right into a metaphorical oak tree of life.
Those first few weeks were a complete blur of me spiraling over the fact my life was flipped upside down. But I also realized I’m not alone in this. A lot of people’s lives changed & are still changing this year. You can take the pessimistic route & hate the world, or you can see it as a new beginning.
I decided to take the glass half full route. And miraculously, months into this twilight zone, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.
Just As I Was Getting My Shit Together Too!
What a blow it was getting that email. Even though it was happening to a lot of people, I still felt alone. I remember sitting in our living room at 3am in the pitch black, wine glass in hand just starring forward. I was dumbfounded over my circumstances. And even though I reluctantly moved out of my parents house & was moving forward in my life, I was scared shitless.
My life was in shambles & a complete mess but I was going blindly into the fire & thinking “I’ll figure this out, it’s fine.”
The Path I Was On Wasn’t Really For Me.
To tell you the truth, my path before the furlough was nothing special to me. I really didn’t think I lost anything. I had chosen a path that was easy. And I didn’t mind it. But I knew it wasn’t truly meant for me. It was something other people thought I was good at. And I was, but I never was really thrilled about it. It was comfortable. But I’ve come to realize comfort isn’t always the right decision. Especially when you feel like you are so much more than what you’ve chosen.
I’ve always been looking for a way out of it. But it was money & I didn’t hate it. So I stuck with it. And I’ve always been the type of person who didn’t really know what she wanted in this life. And a lot of it boiled down to fear. I think I did know what I wanted, but it always seemed untouchable or too much of a fantasy than a realistic idea.
I Was Afraid of Going Beyond My Comfort Zone
I’ve always had lots to say. But I’ve been the creative type who keeps their thoughts to themselves, writes them down in a journal & walks away. And after awhile, writing in private journals for only my eyes wasn’t enough for me. I wanted to have the guts to share these thoughts & ideas to the world. I no longer wanted to stay in this safe & comfortable bubble forever. And it took a pandemic to finally do that.
Sometimes It Takes A Forced Change.
It took life throwing a curveball & forcing me to change to really reflect on myself, & see what really makes me happy. It took a pandemic for me to move out, start writing & live for myself. Otherwise, I wouldn’t of had the guts to find another career path. I’d be 40 years old probably still at the same job (not that there is anything wrong with that) but wanting so much more for myself.
Instead of listening to other people like I’ve been doing my entire life, I asked myself what I really wanted. And that’s when I decided to write. I decided this was my time to fully go in at my passion. For once I had no other distractions. For once I was doing something for me without giving a damn what other people think of me.
The funny thing about quarantine & being at home a lot was, it helped me become this person who truly & I mean TRULY doesn’t give a shit about what other people think of me. Before, all that caring just lead me to be overly critical, unhappy & stuck in a direction that made no sense to me.
It’s amazing how just by making that one change completely transformed me into a different person. Rather the person I was supposed to be the entire time. I felt lost before. I felt like I was living someone else’s life. Now, I feel like myself.
Other People Aren’t Writing Your Story
As the cheesy tik tok goes “You have to treat yourself as the main character in your story”. Every person’s path is going to be different than your own & that’s ok. Instead of comparing yourself to other people & not feeling good enough as you are, OWN your life. Find the beauty in your own life & stop watching the channels of other people. The fact I listened too hard to other people lead me to where I was which was stuck. I felt unoriginal & unimportant compared to people’s highlight reels. I now take it a day at a time & make each day of MY life the best it can be.
I’ve Had Time To Truly Reflect.
I’ve discovered a lot about myself during quarantine. I’ve accepted the fact I’m more of the creative type. I thrive on thoughts & imagination. I enjoy the simple things. I love experiences & sharing them with you all. I’ve gained a sense of confidence in myself I never had before. Instead of comparing my life to everyone else’s I’m just trying to make my little bubble as much of a paradise as I can.
Life will always have ups & downs. But you have the control over your mindset & how you react to those moments. And no, I’m not saying I’m completely fine with my circumstances. I still have BIG plans for myself. I’ve even considered social media marketing as a career path now. But I’m not going to sit here during these unpresidential times & watch my life go by & feel sorry for myself.
Life doesn’t stop for anything. You have to keep moving forward. And learn to love every single messy part of it.