At the start of last year, even before all the Covid talk came to fruition, I was in a place in my life where I needed more gratitude. I was someone who struggled with wanting the next best thing instead of being blessed for what I had in that present moment. It was weird because I found myself to be a positive & happy person, but the urge of never feeling fulfilled started to eat away at me.
In the past, I was that girl who kept a journal or “diary” if you will. But I cringe at the thought of those years because I would only write about the really shitty moments & drama that filled my teenage mind, like whether a boy didn’t text me back or not. I never thought of simply writing down the good things.
And let me tell you, (not to sound dramatic) but it really changed my outlook on life. I always knew I had plenty to be grateful for. But it’s human nature to focus on those prominent issues in life. My problems became the forefront to my identity which in turn caused me to have low self esteem. Not to mention, people’s words can be incredibly hurtful. By focusing on gratitude, I was able to gain that confidence back & blow off any ignorant comment that was causing me to feel stuck. And I’m not saying people can’t hurt my feelings, but it definitely takes a lot more to get me flustered.
It’s amazing when you simply ignore the judgmental comments & focus on the positives (even the smallest of accomplishments) you begin to grow stronger. The more positive I wrote, the thicker my skin became. I started to see the talented woman I am & all the amazing attributes I do bring to the table. I’m ok with owning my confidence & feeling proud of who I am. And even if I’m still a work in progress (I mean, who isn’t?) I have the strength to power through.
I have always struggled with vulnerability (mainly with relationships) & being honest with myself. So, when it came down to writing these statements, it was actually really hard. It started off simple like “I went to Starbucks & got a chai tea latte.” Being honest with myself & realizing that was the highlight of my day was a hard pill to swallow. I thought my days had to be filled with huge accomplishments, otherwise I was a failure. But eventually, I grew to accept the simpleness to my life & the statements became more profound like, “opening up about my feelings & sharing those struggles helped me grow as a person.”
But regardless if the statements were simple or deep, I started to appreciate all of them. I don’t know if you all have seen the new Pixar movie, Soul. But it’s definitely a film directed to adults. Life is so much more than what you do, your status & what you’ve accomplished. Sure, those things are still important. We have to make money to live right? But that’s not the end all be all to life itself. I think the reason I stopped being grateful was because I thought I needed to accomplish such great things to feel fulfilled. I needed the title that would make heads turn, I needed to show off the money I have & those simple pleasures weren’t something to boast about. But you know what? As I said in a previous post, I think we need to celebrate those small victories more often. Once we acknowledge those small wins, we can start to have gratitude for everything in our life. And in turn, we can start living happier.