How I Healed My Pain & Created A Happier Life

I was seen as an optimistic, bubbly, always smiling type of child growing up, always ready for the next fun activity. I had this zest for life that nobody could take away from me. I saw life with rose colored glasses, and had no plans of taking them off.

Life can make you jaded though, and unfortunately, in the span of three straight years I lost countless family members & loved ones, went through some other hardships along the way & dealt with some unfair circumstances. All of which made me extremely bitter towards the world & people in it. The emotional & mental toll those obstacles gave me lead to self sabotage habits (like eating poorly). In my eyes, I thought the light at the end of the tunnel was forever burnt out & things could never be better.

My family is relatively small & losing someone time & time again made it feel even smaller. When I thought of my future wedding, I became sad over the fact I wouldn’t have those people there. It honestly made me not look forward to my future for a while.

Over the course of a few years, I masked my feelings by numbing the pain & just powering through. I pretended I didn’t care when I really, really did. I bottled up my emotions & wondered why I was developing such bad habits along the way. I blamed other people for my problems instead of being honest with myself. I prevented myself from fulling healing.

Photo credit: @myselflovesupply

2020 was the year I finally decided to dive deep into my feelings & properly heal once & for all. I no longer wanted to feel bitter over things that come naturally with life. And I wanted to be excited for my future instead of dreading it.

Time is Everything

Healing from any form of heartbreak, loss or change takes time. You won’t see immediate change right away. Sometimes when you are feeling like you are drowning in emotion, you just want the storm to finally pass. But the only way to concur pain is to distract your mind in healthy ways & know it will get better eventually. Years later, a memory of a loved one will pop into my head, & instead of feeling sad, I catch myself smiling now.

Get Lost in Something You Love

Whether this is reading a favorite book or discovering an entirely new hobby, doing the things that make you happy is the best way to distract yourself from the pain & see the good in life again. Setting goals for your future is also a great tactic to move forward into your next chapter. Time never stops, even through grief or loss, so you must not stop for it.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Have you ever experienced laughing so hard you can’t stop & so hard it hurts your stomach? These bursts of joy are so very important. I get this feeling while watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. One of my favorite moments, right after my Nana passed, was watching Youtube videos with my mom & brother. I truly believe that was one of the ways we got through that. Moments of laughter truly do heal the sole.

Take a Walk in Nature

Something about feeling the sun against your face & admiring the scenic beauty makes me forget about all my problems for just a moment. Not only is it a great way to stay active, but it brought me back into the notion of appreciating my surroundings more. Even in the winter seasons (which aren’t my particular favorite), I’ll put on my puffy, long coat & brace the elements.

Letting Go

I’ve touched on this topic in the past, but when it comes to the process of healing, letting go of the emotional burdens & reminders are what help us to our future selves. One of the reasons I started my minimalistic journey was how objects held so much memory. When it came to positive memories, I didn’t mind reminiscing. But for the moments that shook my world a bit, those were too triggering to hold on to. I had to rip the bandaid & do away with some of my past that hurt me to make way for brighter & better things to come. I didn’t want to keep the pain I was feeling alive.

Confide in Other People

I’m a very private person for the most part. I’d much rather deal with my hardships alone & in my own thoughts. Vulnerability scares me. The thought of burdening others with my problems seemed rude. I’m a great listener & love helping others. But I can’t allow myself to reach out for help myself. I slowly learned there is strength within opening up to others. And who knows, the advice could spark ideas to better your future.

Working Out

Sometimes my mind won’t shut the thoughts or pain out & the only way to fight it is through movement. I can’t tell you how better I feel after a good workout. It’s my moment to zone out from the world around me, listen to some good music & let the toxins out. I especially appreciate cardio. It’s a way to let out all that pent up energy bottled up inside me. The funny thing too is, I kind of hate running. But if you catch me on a day I’m moody, angry & just damn irritated, I can run for miles. My mind is just so distracted by the emotions my body doesn’t even know what it’s doing.

Take Time to Reflect

In the beginning of 2020, I decided to buy a gratitude journal & write at least one thing everyday that made me smile. It started out as simple as “That cup of tea was on point this morning” to “the deep conversation I had last night really healed my sole”. The art of reflection is a way to become stronger for yourself & be honest with all aspects of your life. It’s key to focus on the little moments first, instead of the big picture. I grew an immediate appreciation of my life & eventually trained my brain to see the good.

Enjoy Your Own Company

This brings me to finding the joy with being alone. Whether it’s going to a coffee shop by yourself & getting lost in a good book or taking yourself on a walk, finding peace in alone time helps us tap into our feelings & get to the root of our deepest issues.

Create a Routine

Start off simple by creating daily to-do lists. I like to keep these in my notes section in my phone. It can be as simple as “make the bed” or “go to the grocery store”. I always feel accomplished when I mark one of the tasks as finished.

Let Yourself Feel

Have you ever just had the best cry? The kind that relieves any built up tension & makes you want to take a nap later? Therapeutic crying is so necessary especially in the healing process. Never see it as being weak. You don’t want all of that energy to get stuck. Instead you want to release said energy instead of suppressing it. When you suppress emotions, it could seem as if you are handling your feelings fine. But really your body will eventually release those toxins through physical ways like causing break outs, hair loss, & crying unexpectedly. Your emotional pain can develop into physical ailments, so take care of yourself. The fact that are bodies are capable of this is actually a weird & beautiful phenomenon. But we don’t want this to be the way we handle such tragedies.

Keep Moving Forward

As difficult as certain moments can be, it can’t be this way forever. Life is a balancing act of light & dark. When there is rain there is a rainbow. When life presents you with a hardship, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Even though it may seem dim right now, it will become brighter. You just have to keep moving.

Final Thoughts:

For awhile I thought good things would never come for me. I thought I was stuck in this twilight zone & could never escape. Of course, pain is natural, & we will all feel it. I know I will probably deal with other hardships in the future. It’s human. But I hope I have gained a better perspective to meet those feeling head on & keep planning for my future. I no longer want to feel stuck in my tracks. And although this year has had quite it’s share of negative moments, I feel proud of still powering through & making a little happy life for myself.

33 thoughts on “How I Healed My Pain & Created A Happier Life

    1. Also, I feel weird sharing such personal posts. I was questioned today whether I was self harming. I’d just like to preface I have never done this. My self sabotaging behavior was having a negative mindset and eating poorly. Ugh…any advice on how to handle messages that misunderstand your writing? I feel like I should delete this post 😞

      Like

      1. I think that not everyone will react to our writing the same way, there will be some misunderstandings along the way. You don’t have to delete your post, just focus on writing imo. If you think they misunderstood, either clarify or if it seems too much remove their comment.
        I think sharing personal experience is what adds to a post.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Wow, very powerful message about healing and being happy. I’m sorry about the family members you have lost. It’s very hard and each one creates even more pain. My grandmother passed not along and I just thought about all the milestones I wanted her to see me accomplish! I understand the feeling and this post is such an inspiration for me to heal and let go in a sense.
    Happiness is what we all strive to achieve in life and your right, happiness sometimes is the best medicine ever πŸ’–
    Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for sharing these tips. I can relate and feel like most of these help me when dealing with pain, and it changes by the day. Some days I want to be surrounded by others and distracted by doing something exciting, and other days I want time to myself to read or be outside

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is great advice. I lost my Mum 2 years ago and it took me a long time to realise it was OK to be happy again and doesn’t take away the fact that I miss her and my heart breaks each day but I have to be happy for her, she wouldn’t want it any other way x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dearest, B – you’re a blessing. I’m so grateful you shared this message of hope. So many of us, including myself, are really struggling with feeling down and overwhelmed. These are challenging days, and learning how to heal is critical to our well-being. One good has come out of this madness and it’s that we must face our fears, pains and troubles head-on. Burying in the sand will no longer work.

    I’m in full agreement with you about running and intense cardio. I do the very same. Like you, I don’t exactly enjoy running. Or exercise to be perfectly honest with you. It takes pushing through to do it, but it does feel amazing after, doesn’t it? The mind becomes still and calm and everything just seems so much clearer!

    Enjoying your own company is also critical. As you say, it could be as simple as having coffee by yourself and just reading a great book. Avoidance of feeling only increases our burden of isolation when we’re hurting emotionally. Feeling is a part of the human condition. It should be celebrated. Not dealing with those feelings in a healthy way, however, can damage us for a lifetime.

    I love this post. Thank you for all the great tips and reminders to give ourselves space and grace to heal from our hurts. We all have them, and we all need to heal and grow. πŸ€— Keep up the beautiful work you do!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Holly,
      This comment made my day! 😊 I’m so glad you liked my post & are so moved by it. That means a lot. And comments like these motivate me to keep writing and putting out content people will appreciate. I was particularly nervous to be so open online & sharing my personal experiences.
      You are so right. It has been quite a tough time lately with everything going on and sometimes people need a bit of hope to get through. I’m glad these tips were helpful to you. Feel free to share with others p they can benefit to the words as well.
      Hope to be seeing more comments from you and I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

      – B 🌿

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Sorry for the pain you faced very thoughtful article 😍😍
    Your tips are amazing connecting with nature is one of my best ideas that will help to get out of these difficult situations.
    Thanks for sharing amazing post❣️❣️

    Liked by 1 person

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